a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
this is an emotional support booty call
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
