when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
