i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
