If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize