pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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