Kiss
Puke
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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