Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
