dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
