having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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