Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
