...so i touched it.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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