So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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