I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
