I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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