Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize