How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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