ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
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