i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
