Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
