If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize