every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize