you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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