you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
