I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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