It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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