Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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