I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
