foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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