I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
