Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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