I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
