I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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