All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
