ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
