I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
