my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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