Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
