im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
