Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
