ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
