so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so let's talk penis.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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