Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
