you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
