Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
