Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
