omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
