Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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