I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
