You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
