question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
