From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
