just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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