Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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