I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Drake has all the answers
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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