i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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