my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize