I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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