Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
