The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
