So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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