oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
